welcome... 2004 is over and done with. here's a personal review about this
year. i can't possibly write about everything i did or didn't do in 2004 and
world events are usually covered by newspaper so i picked the one area that
keeps me on my toes the most (and which is not covered by tabloids). relationships
first and foremost, it's been a very strange year in this regards. some happy
times but mostly painful and bitter.
it started with missing new year, i fell asleep and only woke up when 2004 was
already lingering around for a few hours. hurriedly i tried catching up with
the drinking with the result that i was throwing up before the sun rose the
first time in 2004. ok, forget about january.
relationship-wise, the first quarter was dominated by f. from c. with whom i
shared a few nights. the reason this never kicked off into a proper relationship
is that i never made it secret that i was going to japan in japan. we enjoyed
the time we had together and that was it. anyway, she found me more appealing
with long hair, which i cut in august, and she also told me so. the honesty
at the same time i often email and phone contact with c. from d. we only met
once in a. and only for a short time and nothing happened but she's a nice person.
same as before, i was open about going abroad, we both knew it and since there
was a slight difference in age we just agreed to stay in touch. we still write
emails but she has a boyfriend now. good luck to her, let's stay in touch.
coming to japan and getting into this multicultural, multinational school made
meeting women quite simple. a while after i got here i started going out with
o. from b. since we both lived in the same place and shared common interests
(japanese) we spent a lot of time together. but clouds appeared on the horizon
in form of z. from p.
first the clouds looked much like sunshine and after o. left for her country
i spent some awesome time with z. she occasionally gave me a hard time about
o. since we hadn't officially broken up at that time. after doing that since
seemingly calmed down z. and me never really took off as a couple for reasons
were not clear to me until december where i heard from someone else some weird
stuff about z.
by that time it was already august. i had become friends with u. from h. in
the meantime and we spent a lot of time together, exchanging phone calls and
text messages. since she's japanese and my level is not quite there yet, i felt
i could not express myself adequately enough to deepen our friendship into a
relationship. i made an attempt and was rebuked so although i'm still very fond
of her i'm trying to pursue that goal not very openly anymore. maybe there will
be another chance.
the final chapter of 2004 started in october, took about three or four weeks
to take off and lasted about that long. j. from u. was a highlight in 2004 and
comes closest to being my dreamgirl so far. unfortunately she dumped me quite
cruelly for reasons that i'm not sure whether they're just excuses or whether
they're for real. we haven't really spoken since then and i feel very awkward
around her. she probably has no clue about how much i miss her.
as of writing this, i'm single and probably needless to say, much rather than
slightly frustrated. it's very hard to be told "you didn't do anything
wrong, you're a good boyfriend, it's all my fault but still i feel we have to
seperate". that doesn't help at all.
as an overall conclusion for 2004, i feel like i haven't spent that much time
worrying and writhing in pain and frustration for at least 3 years. 2004 was
a bitch with some highlights but overall rather bad. i expected some difficulties
but not that many. some of them were my fault but other difficulties were external
circumstances where i can't possibly make an impact.
my goals for 2005 in the relationship area? dunno... it's not an area where
you can force something or achieve better results by trying harder. you have
to take it as it comes, enjoy yourself and make sure you don't hurt anyone.
i'll try to do that - what other choice do i have after all?
happy 2005 to all of you!
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