TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your
herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law
at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The
milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC, CAPITALISM - You have no cows. You shred all documents
that Enron has any cows, take two cows from Enron for payment and attest that
Enron has eight cows.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three
JAPANESE CAPITALISM - You have no cows. You then create clever cow cartoon images
and market them worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for
100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
BRITISH CAPITALISM - You have two cows. Both are mad.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You
break for lunch.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five
cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again
and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
SWISS CAPITALISM - You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge
others for storing them.
INDIAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You worship them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You
claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
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