review 2004

welcome... 2004 is over and done with. here's a personal review about this year. i can't possibly write about everything i did or didn't do in 2004 and world events are usually covered by newspaper so i picked the one area that keeps me on my toes the most (and which is not covered by tabloids). relationships with women.

first and foremost, it's been a very strange year in this regards. some happy times but mostly painful and bitter.

it started with missing new year, i fell asleep and only woke up when 2004 was already lingering around for a few hours. hurriedly i tried catching up with the drinking with the result that i was throwing up before the sun rose the first time in 2004. ok, forget about january.

relationship-wise, the first quarter was dominated by f. from c. with whom i shared a few nights. the reason this never kicked off into a proper relationship is that i never made it secret that i was going to japan in japan. we enjoyed the time we had together and that was it. anyway, she found me more appealing with long hair, which i cut in august, and she also told me so. the honesty is appreciated.

at the same time i often email and phone contact with c. from d. we only met once in a. and only for a short time and nothing happened but she's a nice person. same as before, i was open about going abroad, we both knew it and since there was a slight difference in age we just agreed to stay in touch. we still write emails but she has a boyfriend now. good luck to her, let's stay in touch.

coming to japan and getting into this multicultural, multinational school made meeting women quite simple. a while after i got here i started going out with o. from b. since we both lived in the same place and shared common interests (japanese) we spent a lot of time together. but clouds appeared on the horizon in form of z. from p.

first the clouds looked much like sunshine and after o. left for her country i spent some awesome time with z. she occasionally gave me a hard time about o. since we hadn't officially broken up at that time. after doing that since seemingly calmed down z. and me never really took off as a couple for reasons were not clear to me until december where i heard from someone else some weird stuff about z.

by that time it was already august. i had become friends with u. from h. in the meantime and we spent a lot of time together, exchanging phone calls and text messages. since she's japanese and my level is not quite there yet, i felt i could not express myself adequately enough to deepen our friendship into a relationship. i made an attempt and was rebuked so although i'm still very fond of her i'm trying to pursue that goal not very openly anymore. maybe there will be another chance.

the final chapter of 2004 started in october, took about three or four weeks to take off and lasted about that long. j. from u. was a highlight in 2004 and comes closest to being my dreamgirl so far. unfortunately she dumped me quite cruelly for reasons that i'm not sure whether they're just excuses or whether they're for real. we haven't really spoken since then and i feel very awkward around her. she probably has no clue about how much i miss her.

as of writing this, i'm single and probably needless to say, much rather than slightly frustrated. it's very hard to be told "you didn't do anything wrong, you're a good boyfriend, it's all my fault but still i feel we have to seperate". that doesn't help at all.

as an overall conclusion for 2004, i feel like i haven't spent that much time worrying and writhing in pain and frustration for at least 3 years. 2004 was a bitch with some highlights but overall rather bad. i expected some difficulties but not that many. some of them were my fault but other difficulties were external circumstances where i can't possibly make an impact.

my goals for 2005 in the relationship area? dunno... it's not an area where you can force something or achieve better results by trying harder. you have to take it as it comes, enjoy yourself and make sure you don't hurt anyone. i'll try to do that - what other choice do i have after all?

happy 2005 to all of you!

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