capitalism defined

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC, CAPITALISM - You have no cows. You shred all documents that Enron has any cows, take two cows from Enron for payment and attest that Enron has eight cows.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM - You have no cows. You then create clever cow cartoon images and market them worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH CAPITALISM - You have two cows. Both are mad.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM - You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

INDIAN CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You worship them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

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